Cure Happy vs Joker
by Zabbie Q
Summary: [AU] What if Joker had fought Cure Happy instead of Cure Beauty in the Bad End Kingdom? What might have been different?


Be advised: this fic mentions some of the darker versions of fairy tales (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc) but without going into graphic detail.

* * *

Hoshizora Miyuki might not have had much in the way of talents. She might not have been the brightest student or the strongest of the Precure warriors. She could be clumsy, and she could be naive and even a little reckless. But as she and her friends journeyed into the Bad End Kingdom in what could very well have been a suicide mission, Miyuki knew one thing which she believed with every fiber of her being.

She had to save Candy.

A new foe had spirited the fairy away from them: Joker, an odd humanoid youth from the Bad End Kingdom who could disappear with a snap of his thin fingers and who could fight all five Precure at once without any of the girls touching him. Joker had taken the last bit of Bad Energy he needed for Emperor Pierrot's revival from the Precure, and he had pilfered all the Cure Décors needed to wake the Queen of Märchenland, the only one powerful enough to battle the Emperor of Evil. By traveling into the cursed kingdom, the Precure knew they might never see their loved ones or even their world again.

But they all agreed: they had to save Candy.

Pop, Candy's brother, had transformed into an enormous eagle and had flown the Precure through the full moon's portal between Märchenland and the Bad End Kingdom. While in flight, Aoki Reika, the smartest among them, had come up with a battle strategy.

"We don't know what is waiting for us, but I think two of us should search for Candy and take different paths if applicable," she said, frowning with concentration. Pop had brought along his smoke bombs, which would provide cover should they need it. "We might be facing the generals or an army of Akanbe. If that Joker is involved, he'll probably be lurking somewhere to swoop in and attack when we least expect it. I'll try to draw his fire and hold him off, if I can."

"I'll help you," Pop the bird had promised over the wind swooshing around them.

Miyuki had volunteered in a heartbeat to be the other runner. Akane, Nao, and Yayoi were ready to take on Wolfrun, Majorina, and Akaoni.

Pop landed them in the middle of the desolate Bad End Kingdom. As Miyuki and Reika, now turned into Cure Happy and Cure Beauty, charged toward the volcanic rock formation in the distance where Candy was held, the attack plan worked flawlessly, except for one detail.

Joker targeted Miyuki.

He met her as she sprang past the plateaus. He seemed to have come from nowhere, lazily gliding backwards in front of her. With a fan of weaponized playing cards in each of his sharp hands, he had blown her out of the sky, right into an ashy crater. Before Miyuki had pushed herself to her feet, he pulled out his magic book and black ink. In seconds he turned the caldera into a Bad End Space, bathing the rock walls and night sky in a sickly purplish glow.

Miyuki found herself running pell-mell to avoid the onslaught of detonating playing cards, which left an ever increasing purple dust cloud on her heels. Her elongated pink pigtails whipped about behind her like terrified children flailing their arms. Despite the magic that usually protected both her and her frilly pink uniform from damage in battle, Miyuki could have sworn she detected the odor of burnt superhero hair. And the assault kept coming, and the deck which Joker held kept replenishing itself. Miyuki tried to spot an opening to return fire, but she could not focus on the flying jester long enough to send a rosy blast of power at his smirking, masked faced.

Miyuki leapt against the rock wall, the heel of her boots just missing another explosion. She dropped back to the ground, trying a serpentine maneuver she had seen on television.

"You can't run forever, Cure Happy," Joker snickered from where he hung in the air. "That would be dull."

Miyuki continued to dodge. Hearing the amusement in his voice — in the voice of Candy's kidnapper — only reaffirmed her determination.

Joker sprung his deck from one hand to the other, wearing that twisted smirk Miyuki found herself disliking more and more. He was shorter than either Akaoni or Wolfrun; where the red demon and the wolf seemed to be adults, Joker seemed younger, perhaps the age of a high-school student. His lanky frame reminded Miyuki of a scarecrow, and his strange white unitard hung loosely on him, making him look even scrawnier and almost emancipated. But those thin limbs possessed great power, unlike any foe Miyuki or the other Precure had encountered.

"I've heard the legends of the Precure my whole life," Joker called down to her. "I expected so much more from you."

Miyuki frowned inwardly, trying to control her breathing as she sprinted. Adrenaline pumped through her like water from a broken dam, but even with her Precure stamina, she started to feel the strain. Even though he had ceased his onslaught for the present, Joker was still too high for her to jump up and attack. He had already proven himself cunning with teleportation in their last fight, and his magical playing cards could absorb her Happy Shower and hurl it back with ten times the strength. Miyuki could do little more than wait for an opportunity to neutralize him, and she knew she had to make it count.

_But if he's here with me, then he won't be able to stop Beauty from rescuing Candy_, she told herself. Each explosion meant Beauty had another second to reach their stolen friend, and if dealing with Joker's schadenfreude meant everyone would go home together, then Miyuki did not mind being a distraction.

Joker placed his right hand behind his back and raised his other with a single card between two fingers. "Just so this isn't over _too_ quickly, I'll toss with my left hand."

No sooner had he said it, his wrist lashed back and forth, dispensing a hailstorm of cards like the jackpot from a slot machine. One smacked Miyuki's shoulder, and the blast sent her flying forward. She shrieked, tumbling to the ground, but she managed to tuck herself into a roll. Even as stars clouded her vision, she regained her footing and leapt in a different direction.

Joker slapped his forehead, chortling. "Oh, that's right. I'm ambidextrous. Silly me. But great show, great show!" he added, applauding. "Perhaps I'll keep you alive for another five minutes."

_Keep him away from Beauty. Keep him away from Beauty_, Miyuki's mind chanted.

Joker lifted his hand once more, but he stopped. He shifted his slender body, straightening as if a sudden thought struck him. "Hey, Cure Happy," he said, "_Peter Pan_ is one of your favorite books, isn't it?"

Her head snapped up. "How do you know about that?" she demanded, spinning herself around.

"Walls have ears," he smirked, "even in Kyoto hotel rooms."

Miyuki frowned at him, but then — all at once — she realized what he meant. She stumbled and nearly tripped backwards.

"Ehhh?" she gulped. Her heart gave an uncomfortable jolt.

He pressed his knuckles against his thin face, blinking the gaping holes of his mask as if he were batting his eyelashes. "Have you just a thing for eternally young boys who can fly? Should I be blushing?"

Her mouth grew wide. "In-In your dreams!" she retorted.

"All the worst ones," he quipped back. "You can relax. I prefer girls who actually have something inside their heads."

Miyuki shook herself, trying to ignore the lurch of humiliation. She glared up at the jester, planting her feet.

"Maybe I'm not the smartest, but at least I got something worth fighting for," she told him. "You just hurt people for the fun of it."

Joker tutted his tongue, laying a spindly hand against his bare cheek. "You know," he said, unperturbed, "the only reason you're still alive is that I find hypocritical heroes rather amusing."

"What's hypocritical?" she demanded.

He shifted again in the air, shaking his head. "You say you have something to fight for," he returned, still in a calm voice. "I take it you mean that sniveling fairy and her precious Märchenland."

"For starters," Miyuki shot back, holding up a fist.

Joker chuckled. "So determined," he hummed. "But do you really know what's in Märchenland, Cure Happy?"

What kind of question was that?

"All the characters from picture books," Miyuki answered, remembering what Candy and Pop had told the Precure. She could recall the picture book the siblings had shared with them in the Mysterious Library, and the illustrations had shown all sorts of fairy-tale characters, from Little Red Riding Hood to the Ants and the Grasshopper.

"I've loved those picture books my whole life," she declared, "and it's my job to protect them all."

"Really? _All_ of them?" Joker asked, lilting like a playground bully chanting out a cruel rhyme.

With a flick of the wrist, Joker descended as smoothly as an elevator, landing a few feet from Miyuki. She raised her fists, ready to send a pink beam at him, but Joker made no move to attack. Rather he folded his arms.

"Fancy yourself an expert on picture books, do you?" he asked.

"I know the popular ones," she replied, eyeing him carefully. Her legs tensed, ready to spring. "There are still lots out there I need to read," she added, wanting to be truthful.

"That's fair," he nodded. "But do you know 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves'?"

"Of course. Snow White is my favorite after Cinderella," said Miyuki, studying him for any hint of imminent violence. Why didn't he attack? She felt like she ought to do something, but it didn't seem right for her to shoot a Happy Shower at him if he was just standing there.

Joker turned one hand over, and his black eyes seemed to inspect his tapered fingernails. "Well then, Cure Happy, how old is Snow White in her story?"

Miyuki quickly thought about her own copy back in the secret base of the Mysterious Library. The Snow White in her version had brown hair instead of black, and she looked like a teenager.

"Sixteen, maybe?" she guessed. "No more than twenty, I think."

Joker shook his head. "Seven."

Miyuki blinked. "What?"

He smirked. "In the Grimms' version of the story, Snow White is only seven," he explained. "They married girls off early back then, you know."

She gritted her teeth. "You're making that up!"

"Am I?" he lilted back. He tilted his head. "Have _you_ even read the original Grimms' version?"

Her stomach gave a tight jerk. "Not - Not yet," she said, and she lowered her gaze without meaning to.

"Oh, you should!" he beamed, clapping his hands as if he were gushing about his favorite anime. "By the way, do you know how the Prince 'revived' her from the poisoned apple?"

Her spirit lifted a little. "That's easy! True love's kiss!" she cried. That was her favorite part of the tale. "The Prince took one look at her in her glass coffin and fell in love."

Joker snickered and shook his head again. "The Prince took one look at a seven-year-old's corpse in the woods and decided to take her back to his castle to do who knows what with her," he said. "When his servants loaded her into a cart, they accidentally dropped the coffin, and that dislodged the poisoned apple stuck in her throat like the Heimlich maneuver. Fortunately, she woke up in time to give her consent before the Prince did something irreversible." He touched his heart with a mocking sigh. "So romantic, am I right?"

Miyuki's face fell. "That… That isn't quite as charming."

Joker's teeth glittered as he leaned closer. "Speaking of sleeping curses, you know how Sleeping Beauty went?"

Miyuki rolled her shoulders and retreated a step. "I don't think I want to know." She almost wished he'd fight her again.

Joker let out a giggle. "Don't hide from the truth, Miss Superhero," he taunted, moving closer — just enough for Miyuki to raise her fists again, and he halted. "Well, the version of Sleeping Beauty you're likely familiar with is actually adapted from a tale called 'Sun, Moon, and Talia'."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Oh, just you wait," he returned. "A king breaks into an estate house and finds a girl sleeping. But he doesn't just kiss her. He impregnates her in her sleep and leaves her there. The girl doesn't even wake up until her twins are born and one sucks the flax from her finger."

Miyuki cringed. "That sounds wrong on so many levels."

"And did I mention the king is married in that version?" he added with a titter. "And when his queen gets jealous of him getting some girl pregnant, _she_ is treated like a villain by the narrative, and she attempts cannibalism on her husband's kids. But she gets executed later, and the king gets to marry his rape victim without suffering any consequences." Joker winked. "And that king lives in Märchenland, you know."

She swallowed. "He does?" she whispered.

"He gets a happy ending, doesn't he?"

Her knees started to tremble, but she tried to steady them. Joker had to be making this all up, but… it didn't _sound_ like something which somebody just improvised. The way he spoke, the calm way he shared those unsettling details… he must have read it from an existing book. But if he was right, and if that creepy king lived in Märchenland, then… then…

Miyuki tried to push those thoughts from her mind. She couldn't lose heart now. They were in the Bad End Kingdom to save Candy, and Beauty and Pop were out there looking for her. Miyuki had to keep Joker busy, or he might try to stop the rescue mission. She needed to remember what was most important.

Unfortunately, Joker kept speaking.

"Now then, Cinderella," he said, walking now toward his right in a circle around Miyuki. "You know there are different versions of that tale, yes? How many are you familiar with?"

Miyuki's head snapped up. "You keep her out of this!" she warned, bristling.

He waved a hand at her. "Oh, I won't ruin your favorite fairy tale — right now. I mean, I _could_ mention the Grimms' version of the step-sisters mutilating themselves, but I think you're more familiar with Charles Perrault's version with the pumpkin carriage and the fairy godmother, yes?" he hummed. "Perrault-san's other stories live in Märchenland, you know. Ever read his story called 'Donkeyskin'? It follows some of the same plot points of Cinderella."

Miyuki shuffled her feet, following Joker as he maintained a radius around her. "I… I don't think I've read it."

Joker bounced his head side to side as he sashayed, his high heels clicking against the rock bed.

"Once upon a time, the queen of a kingdom grew sick," he half spoke, half sang. "Before she died, she made the king promise he would only remarry if he found a woman as beautiful as herself. In time, it became clear that the only woman in the whole kingdom who fit that description" — his smirk widened — "was his own daughter, the princess."

Miyuki blanched, staggering back. "You're lying!"

Joker raised a palm. "May whatever gods you pray to strike me down if I've spoken wrong." He then cupped his hand to his mouth and lowered his voice to a stage whisper. "And guess _wha-a-at_. The wicked father lives in Märchenland. Although Donkeyskin-hime married a handsome prince, her father gets a happy ending with a new wife instead of suffering any shame at such a scandal. That's what you're protecting right now, Cure Happy. His happy ending."

Happy endings… She looked hard for her own happy ending, and she had believed the Queen would provide a happy ending for Märchenland… but nobody had told her…

Her heart thudded in her chest.

"I… I…"

Joker tutted his tongue, continuing to circle her. "Pedophilia, rape, incest. Such dark people live in those famous stories, and they get to live in the lap of Märchenland luxury." He hugged himself, resuming his smile. "Doesn't it make you feel all warm inside?"

Miyuki could only gawk at him. She searched her mind, trying to find something to combat him.

"But… there's plenty of good stories," she said softly. "A few bad ones doesn't mean the whole bunch is rotten. And the good ones make people feel happy."

He rose an eye ridge. "So, you'll allow the bad ones in Märchenland to live and keep doing their bad deeds? Everything in Märchenland runs on a loop," he added, drawing a circle in the air. "Little Red Riding Hood always goes to her grandmother's house. Momotaro is born from a peach every morning. Snow White-chan always eats the apple and gets found by her prince. Donkeyskin's father always proposes marriage to his child. You'll defend Snow White's wicked prince and Donkeyskin's wicked father just because a few readers feel sentimental about some picture books?"

Would she?

She glanced down at herself, at the cute white bracers with the cute pink cuffs, the cute golden brooch on her cute pink bow, the cute pink skirt above cute pink biker shorts and cute knee-high white boots with pink toes and pink heels.

Cute. Cute. Cute.

Her white tiara with the pink gemstone was cute. The white dove feathers in her hair were cute. Her long pink pigtails were cute. Her feather-like earrings were cute.

Cute.

A cute outfit made from the power of a queen who ruled over a cute land with cute fairies and used Cure Décors to make cute things like dresses for Candy, rose bouquets and _sakura_ petals, and giant strawberries. Everything cute.

So, why did something so... why did something like what Joker described exist?

She tried to ignore the twisting feeling in her chest, but something close to Bad Energy trickled through her. Not quite despair, but… pretty close.

Yet… she thought of her brief time already in Märchenland. Nobody had been out and about. Pop said they were all hidden away while the Queen Royale slept. They didn't deserve to be destroyed inside their homes, did they?

She drew in a deep breath. "It's still better than killing all the fairies," she said at last.

"'To die would be an awfully big adventure,' to quote _Peter Pan_." Joker took a step toward her. "What is the basis for your moral standard now, Happy? Why do you allow Donkeyskin's father to attempt marriage with his daughter, but you try to stop Pierrot-sama when he has such a noble, glorious purpose?"

Miyuki stared at him, incredulous. "Noble?" she demanded. "He's trying to destroy innocent lives!"

"Only to _save_ innocent lives," Joker answered. He took another step toward her, his abysmal eyes still watching her.

She did not move away. "How?"

"Do you know where the characters with the true unhappy endings live?" he asked, his voice growing gentle. He advanced one more slow step. "The Farmer and the Viper? The Little Match Girl? The Boy Who Cried Wolf? The selkies and all other tragic lovers?" He swung one arm about, gesturing to their surroundings. "They all come here after storytellers create them. Where hardly anything grows. Where much of our water is poisoned or contaminated. Where we are constantly one step away from starvation."

"S-Starvation?" she stammered, glancing about, though the crater wall blocked her view of the rest of the kingdom. But she had seen all those dead trees when Pop had flown them into this dimension, and what thriving vegetation she had spotted did not seem edible.

Joker gave a slight sniff which made his mask twitch. "We can't pop a Cure Décor into our Smile Pacts and make ourselves juice boxes and giant cherries, you know."

"I'm — I'm sorry," she said, gazing into his black eyes once more. She almost did not notice he took three more slow steps toward her.

"Only Pierrot-sama cares about us," Joker insisted. Yet another step. "He feeds us. He gives us power. He tries to free us from our suffering. When he is revived, he will give us a world of comfort. _We_ can decide our happy endings, no longer puppets to entertain sadistic humans."

He held out his hands toward her in supplication. She could almost touch him now. She ought to have bolted away, but she could not work up the will to move her legs. Strangely, his proximity did not alarm her.

"Nobody asked us how we wanted our stories to be written, but Pierrot-sama will give us true autonomy for our lives. Can't you let us have that?" he asked. "Can't you let us be… _ultra happy_?"

* * *

Her breathing grew labored. She touched her forehead, trying to make sense of her reeling world.

Was the Queen of Märchenland evil, and the Emperor of Evil good? How could the Precure protect wicked fairy-tale kings while Pierrot tried to feed and free his citizens?

She tried to remember why she was fighting this war — Candy coming to find the Precure, Pop telling them about the attack on Märchenland, the evil generals collecting Bad Energy — but had she been mistaken this whole time? Had she only been judging a book by its cover without really digging into its contents? Candy was just a little kid, so innocent. She'd believe anything the Queen told her. Pop too, if he didn't have any reason to doubt her. Did either of them know about Donkeyskin's father? Or Snow White's age? Or the king who found the original Sleeping Beauty?

What were they all doing here? Why were they all fighting? Why weren't they all safe on Earth together, enjoying the day after Tanabata?

She raised her gaze to meet Joker's once more. "You really care about Emperor Pierrot, don't you?"

Joker bowed low. "Without his benevolence, I'd've starved years ago."

Miyuki pressed the tips of her forefingers together. "What's he like?" she asked. "As a person, I mean."

He grinned. "Let me put it this way, Cure Happy," he said. "Pierrot-sama carries Despair itself inside his soul, but he spares a thought to the rest of us. He doesn't try to drown his sorrows or hide from them. Rather, he uses them, turns them into weapons, and aims them right back at the perpetrators who make his subjects suffer." He clenched a fist, and pride blazed across his pale, elfish countenance.

That… That made some sense. And it explained why Wolfrun, Majorina, and Akaoni tried so hard to revive Pierrot and didn't care if they sent children or parents or even insects hurtling into despair. Were the wicked generals always hungry? She could remember when Wolfrun had stolen and devoured a large amount of okonomiyaki samples Akane had prepared. He hadn't cared about the effort which the chef had put into the wares; at the time the Precure had found his behavior insulting and boorish, but now Miyuki wondered if he had just wanted to fill his belly with good, hot food.

Maybe nobody had ever taught the Bad End people a better way… Maybe they hurt others because they were hurting inside… So, all the times they had fought the Precure… All the mean things they had said to the girls and Candy...

...Candy.

An image flashed across her mind of the last time she had seen Candy: the little fairy had sobbed and struggled in Joker's iron grip, calling for Miyuki to save her. But her captor had only snickered at Candy's terror before a blanket of playing cards had surrounded the two, taking Candy far away from Miyuki.

Slowly, she straightened. Her fingers curled, and she looked hard into the fathomless holes of the white mask.

"Maybe you're right," she said. "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe fairy tales are bad, and Märchenland is bad, and I'm bad for defending it all."

"We can all learn from our mistakes, Happy," Joker said gently, giving her a slight bow.

Her hands clenched tighter. "But there's one thing I know," she continued. "I love Candy, and she's worth fighting for. And right now, you and me are both fighting for people we care about." She narrowed her eyes at him, but her voice kept its calm tone. "It's just a shame that you can't help Emperor Pierrot without hurting so many people in the process."

Joker gave her a smile.

Right before he withdrew a card.

Miyuki barely jumped away from the missile before it exploded against the ground.

Joker swiveled his head in a slow rotation as if he were merely stretching his neck. "As if you could even compare that crying pest with Pierrot-sama," he sniffed, folding his arms behind his back before he gave her a calculating look. "So, you'll be so selfish? The needs of the few outweigh the needs of the suffering?"

Miyuki skidded as she landed, sliding back. She managed to halt and balance herself on the balls of her feet, ready to spring into the air to avoid whatever came next.

"I'm going to keep doing what my heart tells me is the right thing," she said.

"So selfish," he drawled, but he touched his chin as if a thought occurred to him. A smirk returned. "But that puts you in a new light," he mused. "What selfish things will you do to help your little fairy? Or to save Märchenland and the Human World?"

"Helping your loved ones isn't selfish," she retorted.

He did not reply, and he did not lose his smug grin. Instead, he waved his hand like a stage magician, and a tiny yellow object appeared between his fingers.

Miyuki gasped, recognizing it at once. "The Star Décor!"

"Truly, you are a master of stating the obvious," he said. He tossed the charm in the air and caught it on the back of his hand. Then he flicked it to the other palm. "This Décor is what stands between you and the Queen's revival. You won't be able to take it from me without doing something… drastic." His eyes became dark slits. "But could you do it?"

She flinched under his stare despite her efforts to hide it. "Do what?"

His face sparkled now. He held out the starry Décor and asked, "Could you kill me?"

She jolted, feeling the color drain from her. "D-Don't joke like that," she chided.

He spread out his arms. "Tell you what. I'll give you a free shot. I can go to my death happily if I know I wasn't done in by some heroine with a 'pure heart.' Then you can take the Cure Décor, free your fairy, and save all of existence. But can you do it, Cure Happy?" he challenged, leaning forward. "Can you be cruel to be kind?"

She gaped at him for a moment before she closed her mouth. Her chin trembled, and she tried to stop it. "You can't really mean this, Joker."

He dropped to one knee, throwing his head back to make his narrow chest that much more exposed. "Go ahead!" he commanded, his voice rising like a ringmaster in a circus. "Hit me! One good blast should send me to whatever is on the other side. You Precure annihilate the Akanbe without questioning the value of their lives, so why should I be any different? Do it, Cure Happy! Show me your cruelty!" He chortled through his clenched teeth.

Miyuki drew back. "I-I can't kill… You're just a kid, like me."

He raised his head to look at her before he gave a single snort. In one fluid motion, he took to the air and straightened his noodle-like body. He held his arms akimbo, and for a moment Miyuki thought he could have passed for a decent, if oddly colored, Peter Pan.

"And now, you're starting to bore me," he said. "Shall I bring that fairy's corpse to you before you meet death, or should I give her to Wolfrun-san as a snack? Oh, I'll decide on the way," he laughed to himself, giving a lazy wave. "Thanks for the momentary diversion, Cure Happy. It was mostly fun, but I can't say I'll miss you."

Miyuki stared at him. "What… What sort of life could you have had… to make you like this?" she asked.

"You'll die wondering." He spun away. "Preferably in the next fifteen minutes. Any final message you want me to give to your fairy when I see her?"

Miyuki stepped after him. "You don't have to do this, Joker."

"Oh, I know I don't _have_ to," he replied. He swung his arm in a single wave of farewell. "Later, alligator."

He spun away and darted into the sky, sailing toward the edge of the caldera — and toward Candy.

Candy.

Candy.

Something jolted inside Miyuki.

Without a second thought, she summoned every ounce of spirit she could pour into her Smile Pact. She had to stop him. She had to give Beauty the chance to save Candy. She, Miyuki, had to save Candy.

"_Precure_" — she drew a heart with her hands and brought her spirit power to her hip — "_Happy... Shower_!" She threw out her arms, willing all her strength and love and protectiveness for Candy into its beams, and she sent the pink shower flying.

Right at Joker. Right at the person who wanted to hurt Candy.

...And Joker leaned to the left without a backward glance and glided to the side.

The pink blast shot straight past him and into the purple sky of the Bad End Space, dissipating like a mist.

Exhaustion overtook her, and her knees buckled. Her breathing became shallow.

"No…"

Joker rotated in the air. He gazed down at Miyuki for a second. Slowly, a grin split his face.

"Attacking an opponent when his back is turned?" he called down to her. "Heroes don't do that!"

A rustle sounded behind her. Miyuki had hardly a second to gasp before spidery hands grabbed her shoulders. Joker yanked her against his chest.

"That's _my_ job," he giggled, his breath tickling her ear.

Miyuki cringed and tried to hurl her elbow into his lean stomach, but Joker only gave a soft titter as her arm tapped him. His grip tightened.

"Maybe you have potential for cruelty after all, Cure Happy," he said. "How marvelous."

Without warning, he twisted her right around and grabbed her again. He loomed over her, and she found herself staring at his masked face, but now she could see how dark his eyes were, as if no light had ever existed inside them. Miyuki tried to shrug him off, willing her drained energy to replenish itself. But as her hands pressed against his hard, narrow chest, she felt like a slug trying to push away a mountain. Joker smiled at her feeble exertion, and he hefted her into the air, bringing her to eye level. She tried to kick at him, but Joker did not even flinch as her boot smacked his shin.

He gazed at her, his eyes shifting in what Miyuki could only guess was a sweeping glance. His grin broadened, showing his shark-like teeth. For a moment, Miyuki tensed, expecting him to go for her throat like a wild animal, but then Joker spoke in a soft voice.

"I'm curious about one thing," he said.

Miyuki tried not to gulp and returned his stare. "What's that?"

He drew her closer until their faces were inches apart. Her fingers remained against him, still braced to push back. For a strange, wild moment, she noticed how thin he felt beneath his short purple cape.

Then Joker spoke: "How many times have you read _Peter Pan_?"

She blinked at him, perplexed. "What?"

"_Peter Pan_, Cure Happy. How many times?"

She pinked and mumbled, "A… A lot."

He dipped his head closer. "Do you remember the part after the children came back home? Do you remember what Mrs. Darling gave to Pan?"

"Her…" Miyuki tried to think, but something about his smile made it hard to remember those dog-eared pages. "Her secret… secret kiss?" she squeaked.

He nodded. "You look like you have a secret kiss of your own." His smile spread. "May I have it?"

She tried to lean back. "Eh...?"

Joker chortled. "I don't usually go for human girls, but for a cruel warrior, I'd enjoy making an exception," he purred.

Her face felt engulfed in a red flame. "D-Don't you get any bright ideas now," she said, pushing against his shoulder.

"All you need to do is think happy thoughts," he replied, drawing her closer still; "and I'll help you fly. Right into the waiting world of comfort."

That was the last thing he said.

Just as Miyuki brought her palm up against his mouth, a mass of cold and blue collided with Joker's coiffed head. He let out a cry and released her.

Miyuki dropped to her knees. She looked up to see Beauty plunging into the caldera.

Beauty's boots touched ground, and she made an immediate leap toward them, soaring like a missile. Her Smile Pact already glowed blue with spirit power. Even in the air, Beauty's arms flowed through the motions for her icy attack.

"_Precure Beauty Blizzard_!"

Joker had barely managed to stop staggering when the snow hit him. His lanky form disappeared in the powerful ice, and he screamed once before the Beauty Blizzard sent him right out of the crater.

Still on the ground, gripping the rock, Miyuki gawked after him, panting.

She started when Beauty spoke beside her. "Forgive my tardiness, but I'm glad we made it in time to stop him."

Miyuki trembled, her stomach twisting inside her. Just as her mind started to digest what had happened, a tearful squeal cut through the air.

"Happyyyy!"

Miyuki whirled around to see a blonde blur springing toward her. Still on her knees, Miyuki swept out her arms to catch the fairy in a tight embrace.

"Candy!" she cried, pressing her cheek against the fairy's soft ears. Her vision blurred. She didn't even care how uncomfortable the rock felt beneath her now skinned legs. "You're safe. You're safe. I'm here."

Pop trotted over to join them, holding the pink case of the Décor Décor in his paws. His mane and tail looked dustier than when Miyuki had last seen him. Beauty scanned the crater, as if expecting Joker to teleport back to them. At last satisfied, she turned toward Miyuki.

"I found Candy in the middle of a volcano," she said grimly. "Fortunately, Pop-san was there to fly us across."

Pop nodded. "We got the Décor Décor back. Beauty and I had to work together against a Yellow Nose Akanbe to get it."

Miyuki lifted her head, her eyes widening. "Yellow Nose?" she repeated. Just how many kinds of those monsters were there?

"I saw Joker set the booby trap," Candy whimpered. "The Akanbe almost threw Beauty into the lava."

She snuggled into Miyuki's neck like a puppy rescued from a fire. "Nobody gave me any water all day!" she sobbed. "I'm so thirsty. And I got a headache!"

"That'll be from the dehydration," Beauty observed, and her hands formed fists.

Miyuki hugged Candy close. "There, there. We can use the Juice Décor," she murmured, trying to keep her voice tender for Candy's benefit. However, she couldn't stop her jaw from clenching.

It didn't matter what kind of life Joker and the Bad End Kingdom had suffered; nothing excused how he had mistreated Candy. Nothing.

"We should find the others," Beauty pointed out. "They may need our help against the other villains."

The other three nodded, and Candy wiped her eyes on Miyuki's pink sleeve. Beauty helped Miyuki to her feet, and they turned toward the cliff walls of the crater, pausing long enough to conjure a paper cup of iced orange juice with a straw for Candy. As Candy nestled in Miyuki's arms, taking grateful slurps, Miyuki raised her head, and a yellow sparkle caught her eye.

Her heart quickened. "Hey, what's that?" she breathed, pointing.

Pop darted forward, practically pouncing on it. "The Star Décor!" he cried. "Joker must have dropped it!"

"A little good luck at last," Beauty sighed, touching her chest. "I don't suppose that jester costume has proper pockets, does it?"

Pop clicked open the Décor Décor, popped the Star Décor into its heart-shaped slot, and stepped back.

The Décor Décor laid still on the ground.

"Nothing's happening," said Miyuki.

"I don't understand," frowned Pop. "All sixteen slots are filled. All the Cure Décors here are purified from Pierrot's magic."

"Joker turned the Décor Décor into an Akanbe earlier," said Beauty, narrowing her blue eyes in concentration. "Could he have tampered with it somehow?"

"No second-banana clown could possess that level of power," Pop insisted. "It must be something else."

Candy ceased her drinking to let out a whimper. "But it has to work!"

Beauty gave her a sympathetic look. "Let's find the others," she suggested again. "Perhaps the Décor Décor needs time to work its magic."

"Yeah, that must be it," agreed Pop, but he sounded doubtful.

With supernatural leaps, the two Precure scaled the cliff wall, each girl holding a fairy. Miyuki cradled Candy, and the fairy returned to her juice almost as soon as Miyuki's pink-and-white boots touched the ground once more. As they hurried along the crater's ring, Miyuki scanned the landscape for any sign of Joker sneaking up on them, but she saw only volcanic rock and ash. Even the flurries from the Beauty Blizzard had disappeared.

Yet, even with the Queen Royale's revival drawing so near, Miyuki felt she hadn't seen the last of Joker.

THE END

* * *

A/N:

Like it? Hate it? Advice is appreciated! As I tend to write these things on my phone, I sometimes overlook typos. If you spot any, please send me a PM. :)

I don't mean to imply that I, as the author, see the Queen Royale as Ron the Death Eater. Simply, Joker is being Joker, so take everything he says with a grain of salt.

_Miyuki's copy of Snow White_ — in the beginning of Ep. 15 Miyuki's copy has the same illustrations as the one the girls used in Ep. 5, where Snow has brown hair.

True story: once when my friends and I were discussing our favorite Disney films, I was the one who started telling them about the stories the movies were based on. After that, they started calling me the Fairy Tale Killer.


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